The last two essays eventually focused on abortion, although it was not mentioned by name in the latter (only as “a clump of cells.”) This had not been my intention with either one of them. Rather, something compelled me to roll that issue into the mix. In the end, for both it made sense and added greater depth and poignancy to the each. Still, I have always considered abortion a woman’s issue, and until the birth of our son I had no interest in the topic whatsoever. The question is, what compelled me to write of it now?
Compulsion. We all have it. Heck, our dogs have it. Golden retrievers must fetch sticks from water, border collies must herd, even if it is just people, shepherds must guard and so on. With people it is not so evident, being as complex as we are. We’ve all known the kid who turned everything into music, or the one who KNEW that he was going to be a doctor, but that is not the standard course. Still, something leads us, often against our better judgement or in lieu of any judgement. What exactly is it that leads us?
Back in unwoke days we had some pretty astounding cartoons that spoke to both children and adults. I recall that several had a particular motif for the cartoon character when he had to decide upon something. A ghostly angel would appear on his right shoulder and give him benevolent advice, and on the left a devil, to give him selfish advice. In the cartoons, the character almost always chose the selfish, and was punished for it. This, deciding between good and evil, certainly might involve a form of compulsion if it concerns a vicious emotion such as vengeance or greed, or if the decision is tainted by drugs or alcohol.
But those are the simple ones. Deep compulsion is something that often lies outside of careful consideration or even emotions. It is a persistent nudge that has little to do with making sense. It is simply a force that informs us of a direction for our lives, whether that involves a career or a move or a choice of a husband or wife. It is a singular force, I believe, not a collection of “forces,” which, with its subtle nudges, comes from the same source.
These nudges do not always lead us to health, wealth and prosperity. I spoke of the compulsion I had to include the subject of abortion in the past two essays, even though this had not been my original intention. As said, this topic has not been a major concern in my life. I also know that by voicing an opinion on it, I might lose a portion of my audience. But should we deny what is persistently being asked from us? The source of this “asking” is buried deep within us as a primary motivation for our lives. We are more closely united with it than to our conscious self. Compulsion involves the sense that, once tested to make sure it’s not just an emotional bubble or notion, it must be followed. This is what, colloquially, is called “being true to oneself.” Thus I have found that we cannot be content in the long run if we do NOT follow that compulsion, even if it leads to material disadvantage. I know. Denying that calling in the end usually means being disappointed with ourselves in the long run. It is like being present at an unfair fight, where we avoid any involvement to save ourselves from harm or ridicule. In such a case we often learn that by avoiding the immediate negative consequences, we are met with cringing regret from ourselves for years to come.
Such compulsions do not always show themselves to be the best ways to go, even in our lifetimes. There are many unhappy marriages which began with a calling, and we might never know if the people we affected through it or the children we produced from it will lead to the good. In fact, we may never know if anything we ever do will ultimately lead to the good. A prosperous business begun by such a compulsion might lead to spoiled children who do bad things or die from overdoses; we just never know. Rather, we follow such callings because of their gentle persistence. Lacking selfish or mean or violent motives, in time they just seem right. And I believe they are.
We must go back to the source. Few of us will ever be like Moses, with direct conversations with God, but I believe this subtle compulsive force is an aftershock of God’s will, like ripples in a pond. It is not direct communication, but a call to align ourselves with the will of God and the overall plan of the universe. And while the will of God is ultimately the greatest of good, in this post -Garden of Eden era we are often called to sacrifice ourselves one way or another. Our calling, then, is not meant to bring us prosperity or even happiness, but rather a kind of fulfillment that unites us all on a larger plane. For Christians, the suffering aspects of responding to a deep compulsion is called “carrying the cross,” which they believe is both the duty and privilege of us all. For the rest, if they are mature, it is simply called “life.”
Examples abound. I, for instance, received what I believe to be a calling for anthropology. From my current advanced age, I could not have chosen a more economically disastrous profession. It has led to everything I have now, which at times seems to be some sort of hiatus, like a years-long ‘shelter in place’ scenario. My life has been changed profoundly by following the calling, however, and has certainly not been placed on hiatus. Rather, in retrospect, it has been led to a combination of redirection (aka, punishment), reward, and blessing; the first, for the humbling aspect of having no prestigious employment, the second, for all the good things such as family that have come from it, and the third, for the spiritual blessings that have been given me. These, the spiritual blessings, would almost certainly not have come had I been an involved academic. In my case, the world of social prestige was forfeited for the spiritual, while the familial was given both as a compensatory bonus and as a path to the spiritual through the heart.
This understanding comes from long years of struggling with the course of my life. While we must first follow that gentle, persistent compulsion to find our proper way, our camino, and then live it, there must come a time when we look back to understand. If done honestly, each life then becomes a tale of pivotal choices which, like a crime committed or a lottery win, define what we will be and become. The compulsion sets the plot, and if followed, brings us to places we could never foresee. Whether that is for good or bad depends on the faith we have in following the calling and what we learn from it. Such reflection is often a painful and difficult thing to do, but no novel is any good without tension, conflict, and a profound resolution.
The last two essays eventually focused on abortion, although it was not mentioned by name in the latter (only as “a clump of cells.”) This had not been my intention with either one of them. Rather, something compelled me to roll that issue into the mix. In the end, for both it made sense and added greater depth and poignancy to the each. Still, I have always considered abortion a woman’s issue, and until the birth of our son I had no interest in the topic whatsoever. The question is, what compelled me to write of it now?
Compulsion. We all have it. Heck, our dogs have it. Golden retrievers must fetch sticks from water, border collies must herd, even if it is just people, shepherds must guard and so on. With people it is not so evident, being as complex as we are. We’ve all known the kid who turned everything into music, or the one who KNEW that he was going to be a doctor, but that is not the standard course. Still, something leads us, often against our better judgement or in lieu of any judgement. What exactly is it that leads us?
Back in unwoke days we had some pretty astounding cartoons that spoke to both children and adults. I recall that several had a particular motif for the cartoon character when he had to decide upon something. A ghostly angel would appear on his right shoulder and give him benevolent advice, and on the left a devil, to give him selfish advice. In the cartoons, the character almost always chose the selfish, and was punished for it. This, deciding between good and evil, certainly might involve a form of compulsion if it concerns a vicious emotion such as vengeance or greed, or if the decision is tainted by drugs or alcohol.
But those are the simple ones. Deep compulsion is something that often lies outside of careful consideration or even emotions. It is a persistent nudge that has little to do with making sense. It is simply a force that informs us of a direction for our lives, whether that involves a career or a move or a choice of a husband or wife. It is a singular force, I believe, not a collection of “forces,” which, with its subtle nudges, comes from the same source.
These nudges do not always lead us to health, wealth and prosperity. I spoke of the compulsion I had to include the subject of abortion in the past two essays, even though this had not been my original intention. As said, this topic has not been a major concern in my life. I also know that by voicing an opinion on it, I might lose a portion of my audience. But should we deny what is persistently being asked from us? The source of this “asking” is buried deep within us as a primary motivation for our lives. We are more closely united with it than to our conscious self. Compulsion involves the sense that, once tested to make sure it’s not just an emotional bubble or notion, it must be followed. This is what, colloquially, is called “being true to oneself.” Thus I have found that we cannot be content in the long run if we do NOT follow that compulsion, even if it leads to material disadvantage. I know. Denying that calling in the end usually means being disappointed with ourselves in the long run. It is like being present at an unfair fight, where we avoid any involvement to save ourselves from harm or ridicule. In such a case we often learn that by avoiding the immediate negative consequences, we are met with cringing regret from ourselves for years to come.
Such compulsions do not always show themselves to be the best ways to go, even in our lifetimes. There are many unhappy marriages which began with a calling, and we might never know if the people we affected through it or the children we produced from it will lead to the good. In fact, we may never know if anything we ever do will ultimately lead to the good. A prosperous business begun by such a compulsion might lead to spoiled children who do bad things or die from overdoses; we just never know. Rather, we follow such callings because of their gentle persistence. Lacking selfish or mean or violent motives, in time they just seem right. And I believe they are.
We must go back to the source. Few of us will ever be like Moses, with direct conversations with God, but I believe this subtle compulsive force is an aftershock of God’s will, like ripples in a pond. It is not direct communication, but a call to align ourselves with the will of God and the overall plan of the universe. And while the will of God is ultimately the greatest of good, in this post -Garden of Eden era we are often called to sacrifice ourselves one way or another. Our calling, then, is not meant to bring us prosperity or even happiness, but rather a kind of fulfillment that unites us all on a larger plane. For Christians, the suffering aspects of responding to a deep compulsion is called “carrying the cross,” which they believe is both the duty and privilege of us all. For the rest, if they are mature, it is simply called “life.”
Examples abound. I, for instance, received what I believe to be a calling for anthropology. From my current advanced age, I could not have chosen a more economically disastrous profession. It has led to everything I have now, which at times seems to be some sort of hiatus, like a years-long ‘shelter in place’ scenario. My life has been changed profoundly by following the calling, however, and has certainly not been placed on hiatus. Rather, in retrospect, it has been led to a combination of redirection (aka, punishment), reward, and blessing; the first, for the humbling aspect of having no prestigious employment, the second, for all the good things such as family that have come from it, and the third, for the spiritual blessings that have been given me. These, the spiritual blessings, would almost certainly not have come had I been an involved academic. In my case, the world of social prestige was forfeited for the spiritual, while the familial was given both as a compensatory bonus and as a path to the spiritual through the heart.
This understanding comes from long years of struggling with the course of my life. While we must first follow that gentle, persistent compulsion to find our proper way, our camino, and then live it, there must come a time when we look back to understand. If done honestly, each life then becomes a tale of pivotal choices which, like a crime committed or a lottery win, define what we will be and become. The compulsion sets the plot, and if followed, brings us to places we could never foresee. Whether that is for good or bad depends on the faith we have in following the calling and what we learn from it. Such reflection is often a painful and difficult thing to do, but no novel is any good without tension, conflict, and a profound resolution.
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