Finishing the Cloud of Unknowing, it struck me: this is boring. If you are in to meditation and have been lucky enough to gain some insights from it, the book is very informative, helping to clear some questions. Well worth it, but at times I had to say to myself, "this is boring." So is church. My son, and my inner youth, dread it every week. Same old, stand up - sit down, exhortation to be good and sharing, and so on. The very definition of boring.
So is peace. You don't have to be agogue with holy vapors (I joke - that is often me) to say you want peace, but do you really? Isn't it boring as hell? Yes, it is, but we have everyone from the Pope to Kurt Vonnegut, standout atheist, claim outright or with wry prose that this is what we all want. But we don't. We want action - "Vegas, baby!," fast cars, good times, lively conversation. And on the world political scheme, war. Nothing is as fascinating as war. While my son groans at the thought of church, I can't take him away from his war and death and mayhem video games. He would rather sit in a moldy cellar playing the same game for hours than sit in a comfortable pew with light streaming in through the stain glass while the mystery of the universe is acted out for less than one hour. I don't even think of video games, but I understand him completely; I would rather take the same walk I always take, on a cold and rainy day no less, thinking all sorts of excitable thoughts, than plop down in church. The end results are different, but that is not what I'm talking about here: I'm talking about what draws our attention en masse; I'm talking about war and conflict and how inevitable they are, because they are interesting.
My (boring) primer on meditation, the 14th century "Cloud...," mentions this often. "Your mind will try to engage you in all manner of interesting chatter...don't let it. This draws a curtain between you and God" (my paraphrase). And we do long for peace: it is an ideal stamped into us - Hawaii and other vacation spots count on it. But how long can you hang out on a beach? The surfer bums have their life and death struggle with the waves, and on off-times drink and bong-out. Just to hang out, even on a beautiful beach, becomes boring. Sooner or later we long for the active life again.
But then again, we don't, complicated birds that we are. Most of us have had our high times one way or another, where we get into the zone of peace and know that this is our home, our place, but we lose it very soon. We are action addicts. But action causes anxiety as well, keeps us on an edge we grow uncomfortable with. We look again for the beach. Now, the mystics speak of the ecstasy of ONENESS, better than any drug or sex or anything of this world, and I believe we were meant to achieve this. But to get their is a long - and yes, boring - process. Meditation. Long walks in quiet. Silent prayer. How long until we start to think, crap, time to get moving, "The Big Bang" is on? Not long for me.
I see two reasons for our dilemma, one already mentioned: for most, the state of oneness takes a lot of work, and there are few benefits or ego boosts to edge us on. It is all based on an inner longing. The other is less intuitive: our chattering mind likes its central place in our lives. It knows that peace is the ultimate answer to our longings, but in peace, that voice is annihilated. It - and in parallel, what we take to be ourselves - does not want to be annihilated. It fears it as much as physical death, for in the end, both are the same for the chattering mind. In some people - maybe most - this anxiety-laced mind is a little Hitler, willing to kill the organism that supports it so that it might, ironically, have its way. Hitler was willing to burn Germany to the ground rather than surrender. His generals finally refused his orders to do so, but would we, for ourselves?
Which brings me back to war. It may take a massive ego to start one, but it often takes we of lesser common egos right along with it. War is, abstractly, a glorious concept; we rally around a cause, we are part of a movement, it takes us away from ourselves without being boring. Its fruits are devastating, but so often are our internal dialogues and social struggles. We would rather be the publicly celebrated sports champ than the quiet fellow absorbed by the mysteries and glory of life. The latter is the happier guy - corny as it is, but just true - but you have to feel the calling first to turn from the spotlight. And to get to that point, you have to get away from the chatter; that is, be bored.
There is absolutely nothing knew in what I've said. Jesus delivered new wine in an old vase, but this is only old wine in an old bottle. Still - it's true, and something to consider. In the active world, don't believe it when everyone is calling out for peace - the only ones who mean it are those recently devastated by war. This, too, will be forgotten. Without seriously considering what peace is, and why we push it aside, we will be destined for the same old, same old. As long as peace is experienced as boring - that is, as long as it is seen as an absence rather than as the fullness beyond measure that it is - don't expect any real changes, no matter how new the bottle seems. FK
So is peace. You don't have to be agogue with holy vapors (I joke - that is often me) to say you want peace, but do you really? Isn't it boring as hell? Yes, it is, but we have everyone from the Pope to Kurt Vonnegut, standout atheist, claim outright or with wry prose that this is what we all want. But we don't. We want action - "Vegas, baby!," fast cars, good times, lively conversation. And on the world political scheme, war. Nothing is as fascinating as war. While my son groans at the thought of church, I can't take him away from his war and death and mayhem video games. He would rather sit in a moldy cellar playing the same game for hours than sit in a comfortable pew with light streaming in through the stain glass while the mystery of the universe is acted out for less than one hour. I don't even think of video games, but I understand him completely; I would rather take the same walk I always take, on a cold and rainy day no less, thinking all sorts of excitable thoughts, than plop down in church. The end results are different, but that is not what I'm talking about here: I'm talking about what draws our attention en masse; I'm talking about war and conflict and how inevitable they are, because they are interesting.
My (boring) primer on meditation, the 14th century "Cloud...," mentions this often. "Your mind will try to engage you in all manner of interesting chatter...don't let it. This draws a curtain between you and God" (my paraphrase). And we do long for peace: it is an ideal stamped into us - Hawaii and other vacation spots count on it. But how long can you hang out on a beach? The surfer bums have their life and death struggle with the waves, and on off-times drink and bong-out. Just to hang out, even on a beautiful beach, becomes boring. Sooner or later we long for the active life again.
But then again, we don't, complicated birds that we are. Most of us have had our high times one way or another, where we get into the zone of peace and know that this is our home, our place, but we lose it very soon. We are action addicts. But action causes anxiety as well, keeps us on an edge we grow uncomfortable with. We look again for the beach. Now, the mystics speak of the ecstasy of ONENESS, better than any drug or sex or anything of this world, and I believe we were meant to achieve this. But to get their is a long - and yes, boring - process. Meditation. Long walks in quiet. Silent prayer. How long until we start to think, crap, time to get moving, "The Big Bang" is on? Not long for me.
I see two reasons for our dilemma, one already mentioned: for most, the state of oneness takes a lot of work, and there are few benefits or ego boosts to edge us on. It is all based on an inner longing. The other is less intuitive: our chattering mind likes its central place in our lives. It knows that peace is the ultimate answer to our longings, but in peace, that voice is annihilated. It - and in parallel, what we take to be ourselves - does not want to be annihilated. It fears it as much as physical death, for in the end, both are the same for the chattering mind. In some people - maybe most - this anxiety-laced mind is a little Hitler, willing to kill the organism that supports it so that it might, ironically, have its way. Hitler was willing to burn Germany to the ground rather than surrender. His generals finally refused his orders to do so, but would we, for ourselves?
Which brings me back to war. It may take a massive ego to start one, but it often takes we of lesser common egos right along with it. War is, abstractly, a glorious concept; we rally around a cause, we are part of a movement, it takes us away from ourselves without being boring. Its fruits are devastating, but so often are our internal dialogues and social struggles. We would rather be the publicly celebrated sports champ than the quiet fellow absorbed by the mysteries and glory of life. The latter is the happier guy - corny as it is, but just true - but you have to feel the calling first to turn from the spotlight. And to get to that point, you have to get away from the chatter; that is, be bored.
There is absolutely nothing knew in what I've said. Jesus delivered new wine in an old vase, but this is only old wine in an old bottle. Still - it's true, and something to consider. In the active world, don't believe it when everyone is calling out for peace - the only ones who mean it are those recently devastated by war. This, too, will be forgotten. Without seriously considering what peace is, and why we push it aside, we will be destined for the same old, same old. As long as peace is experienced as boring - that is, as long as it is seen as an absence rather than as the fullness beyond measure that it is - don't expect any real changes, no matter how new the bottle seems. FK
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