I have just finished the book, From Fire by Water by Sohrab Ahmari, hot off Ignatius Press (2019) and have found it both embarrassing and - in ways it was not meant to be - funny. This is not because the writing or subject matter is weak. In fact, the author writes professionally for the Wall Street Journal and the New York Post, among others. He is also very well-read and educated, such that several contemporary philosophers he mentions I have never even heard of, let alone read. No, he is a good writer and thinker and I would recommend the book to seekers who do not mind a few journeys into deeper thought. Rather, his problem is that he is young and, like most, if not all, the semi-young (early thirties), he sees himself as quite old, or at least old enough. This does not always constitute a problem, but when it comes to sin, as he so often does, it causes old elephant-hide sinners like myself to chuckle at the green horn.
His is a tale of an upper middle-class Iranian boy who was able to leave the Republic of the Veil for Utah, where his new-found freedom met up with the leftist anti-capitalism and anti-Americanism of US schooling that has possessed the soul of the Millennials (I know it well; my son has struggled with it since high school). Here, his dream of living in the wonderful world of infinite trinkets was spoiled by an innate desire for something more, which he sought in Marxist intellectualism that his younger self thought made him special and smarter than everyone else. As he passed from high school through college, he also got drunk and high and hooked up with women for casual sexual encounters. He threw-up more than once at parties, and dumped girl friends for stupid, superficial reasons. He gabbed on incessantly to show his intellectualism, and in general behaved like an insecure young man who needed society to reassure him of his importance. He finally found, almost by accident, the Catholic Church, in spite of his Muslim background, which filled his need. He is very glad for this spiritual gift, and so am I for him, as well as I am for myself.
Still, I remain somewhat embarrassed and amused from his work in a fatherly way. This is because I followed the same path as he did, although for many years longer, as do many young men with great personal expectations. So I am embarrassed because in his book he not only exposes his own youthful turmoil and silliness, but my own (as I did, still to my embarrassment, in my book Dream Weaver. It is why I do not advertise it except occasionally here in this website). I also have to laugh, albeit painfully. His “sins” are so small compared to so many others, and so common. He writes as if this, his finding of the Church, was his last life-saver before sinking into the sea of Mammon and damnation.
He might be right, but I seriously doubt it. In Mathew’s Gospel, our favorite sincere everyman, Peter, asks Jesus if he should forgive a man up to seven times. Jesus replies, no: rather, he should forgive him seventy times seven times (and, by inference, beyond). (Mat: 18:21-22). Jesus is talking about how God is willing to forgive us here, and I believe our young author, Ahmari, will find that he might need all of the seventy times seven pardons during the course of his life. That he thinks he is done with the (worst) ways of sin shows the continuing glow of youth in his writing. But here’s the thing: he should understand that should he sin again and then again, as he will, that’s all right.
I know this by personal experience and through the stories of many, many others. It is, in fact, downright odd how so many people who have screwed up royally have again and again ‘found’ themselves because they have screwed up. We have all heard the testimonials of, let’s say, people who have become drug addicts, but through their struggle found God and their mission in life, to the point of becoming wealthy or saint-like or something else grand that would never have happened had they not fallen from social grace. They may have done awful things, but now are better than your average law-abiding citizen because of it. If you live long enough, many of us find that most people have passed through a crucible or many crucibles to get where they are today, and that for many, where they are today represents the best part of who they are precisely because of their struggles.
Still, we do not “end up” ever until we die. The guy who started My Pillow, for instance, fell into addiction, found God, and is now a multi-millionaire who contributes greatly to noble causes, but chances are that his life challenges are not over. There will be a difficult period in his marriage, or a fight with a child, or something else that will require further healing – and forgiveness. Which is still OK, because spiritual forgiveness is endless if we truly seek it.
In fact, often this endless rehab we experience is essential for our ultimate purification, as can be seen in hindsight. Like Sohrab, every time we are forced to look truthfully at ourselves and then adjust accordingly, it appears as if our whole life has been leading us to that point. Yet, if Sohrab had done something else – let’s say, human trafficking with all its dirty side-deals – and then taken stock, it would be that story which would have saved him. This goes on and on for all of us, such that ANY great problem we have that brings us to solve it through spiritual graces will appear to be that breaking point which was absolutely necessary for our revival. As it should be: seventy times seven times we might sin in seventy times seven ways, and each one might bring us to redemption through a sincere desire for forgiveness; each one could be our great crucible which brings us closer to the truth and to God.
There is a Grateful Dead song from the American Beauty album, I think it’s called “Poor Peter,” about a guy dying in his bed who is assessing his life from the clarity of extreme fever. He talks of the sun going up and down, of his friends coming around, of all these mundane things that have suddenly turned magical for him. Says he (if I can remember correctly) “See here how everything/seems to lead up to this day. And it’s just like every other day/ that’s ever been.” He is near death and is understanding that the whole universe has somehow worked with him throughout his life to bring him to this moment. This idea is only possible because of his fevered state, but it is closer to truth than the “well” might think. Just as God has every hair on our heads counted, so the universe actually does revolve around each of us for our own particular destiny. Each individual, as small as he is, is that important.
In light of this, it is that important that God forgives “Seventy times seven times.” No matter our story, like Poor Peter, everything leads up to each moment of each day, until the end, with a final reckoning, at least on our part. In these last moments, as our lives play out before us, we (or at least most of us, as far as I and others I've read have experienced) see that fate – the hand of God or however you wish to call it – has played with our choices to bring us to this final moment. It is the moment of recognition of our divine nature in a divine universe. It is then that the “final forgiveness,” the granting of this vision, allows us to choose what should have been obvious to us all our lives. Like Sohrab, we should seize it, the final vacuum of our lives filled by a grace that only seventy times seven can bring, no matter our age or place.
I have just finished the book, From Fire by Water by Sohrab Ahmari, hot off Ignatius Press (2019) and have found it both embarrassing and - in ways it was not meant to be - funny. This is not because the writing or subject matter is weak. In fact, the author writes professionally for the Wall Street Journal and the New York Post, among others. He is also very well-read and educated, such that several contemporary philosophers he mentions I have never even heard of, let alone read. No, he is a good writer and thinker and I would recommend the book to seekers who do not mind a few journeys into deeper thought. Rather, his problem is that he is young and, like most, if not all, the semi-young (early thirties), he sees himself as quite old, or at least old enough. This does not always constitute a problem, but when it comes to sin, as he so often does, it causes old elephant-hide sinners like myself to chuckle at the green horn.
His is a tale of an upper middle-class Iranian boy who was able to leave the Republic of the Veil for Utah, where his new-found freedom met up with the leftist anti-capitalism and anti-Americanism of US schooling that has possessed the soul of the Millennials (I know it well; my son has struggled with it since high school). Here, his dream of living in the wonderful world of infinite trinkets was spoiled by an innate desire for something more, which he sought in Marxist intellectualism that his younger self thought made him special and smarter than everyone else. As he passed from high school through college, he also got drunk and high and hooked up with women for casual sexual encounters. He threw-up more than once at parties, and dumped girl friends for stupid, superficial reasons. He gabbed on incessantly to show his intellectualism, and in general behaved like an insecure young man who needed society to reassure him of his importance. He finally found, almost by accident, the Catholic Church, in spite of his Muslim background, which filled his need. He is very glad for this spiritual gift, and so am I for him, as well as I am for myself.
Still, I remain somewhat embarrassed and amused from his work in a fatherly way. This is because I followed the same path as he did, although for many years longer, as do many young men with great personal expectations. So I am embarrassed because in his book he not only exposes his own youthful turmoil and silliness, but my own (as I did, still to my embarrassment, in my book Dream Weaver. It is why I do not advertise it except occasionally here in this website). I also have to laugh, albeit painfully. His “sins” are so small compared to so many others, and so common. He writes as if this, his finding of the Church, was his last life-saver before sinking into the sea of Mammon and damnation.
He might be right, but I seriously doubt it. In Mathew’s Gospel, our favorite sincere everyman, Peter, asks Jesus if he should forgive a man up to seven times. Jesus replies, no: rather, he should forgive him seventy times seven times (and, by inference, beyond). (Mat: 18:21-22). Jesus is talking about how God is willing to forgive us here, and I believe our young author, Ahmari, will find that he might need all of the seventy times seven pardons during the course of his life. That he thinks he is done with the (worst) ways of sin shows the continuing glow of youth in his writing. But here’s the thing: he should understand that should he sin again and then again, as he will, that’s all right.
I know this by personal experience and through the stories of many, many others. It is, in fact, downright odd how so many people who have screwed up royally have again and again ‘found’ themselves because they have screwed up. We have all heard the testimonials of, let’s say, people who have become drug addicts, but through their struggle found God and their mission in life, to the point of becoming wealthy or saint-like or something else grand that would never have happened had they not fallen from social grace. They may have done awful things, but now are better than your average law-abiding citizen because of it. If you live long enough, many of us find that most people have passed through a crucible or many crucibles to get where they are today, and that for many, where they are today represents the best part of who they are precisely because of their struggles.
Still, we do not “end up” ever until we die. The guy who started My Pillow, for instance, fell into addiction, found God, and is now a multi-millionaire who contributes greatly to noble causes, but chances are that his life challenges are not over. There will be a difficult period in his marriage, or a fight with a child, or something else that will require further healing – and forgiveness. Which is still OK, because spiritual forgiveness is endless if we truly seek it.
In fact, often this endless rehab we experience is essential for our ultimate purification, as can be seen in hindsight. Like Sohrab, every time we are forced to look truthfully at ourselves and then adjust accordingly, it appears as if our whole life has been leading us to that point. Yet, if Sohrab had done something else – let’s say, human trafficking with all its dirty side-deals – and then taken stock, it would be that story which would have saved him. This goes on and on for all of us, such that ANY great problem we have that brings us to solve it through spiritual graces will appear to be that breaking point which was absolutely necessary for our revival. As it should be: seventy times seven times we might sin in seventy times seven ways, and each one might bring us to redemption through a sincere desire for forgiveness; each one could be our great crucible which brings us closer to the truth and to God.
There is a Grateful Dead song from the American Beauty album, I think it’s called “Poor Peter,” about a guy dying in his bed who is assessing his life from the clarity of extreme fever. He talks of the sun going up and down, of his friends coming around, of all these mundane things that have suddenly turned magical for him. Says he (if I can remember correctly) “See here how everything/seems to lead up to this day. And it’s just like every other day/ that’s ever been.” He is near death and is understanding that the whole universe has somehow worked with him throughout his life to bring him to this moment. This idea is only possible because of his fevered state, but it is closer to truth than the “well” might think. Just as God has every hair on our heads counted, so the universe actually does revolve around each of us for our own particular destiny. Each individual, as small as he is, is that important.
In light of this, it is that important that God forgives “Seventy times seven times.” No matter our story, like Poor Peter, everything leads up to each moment of each day, until the end, with a final reckoning, at least on our part. In these last moments, as our lives play out before us, we (or at least most of us, as far as I and others I've read have experienced) see that fate – the hand of God or however you wish to call it – has played with our choices to bring us to this final moment. It is the moment of recognition of our divine nature in a divine universe. It is then that the “final forgiveness,” the granting of this vision, allows us to choose what should have been obvious to us all our lives. Like Sohrab, we should seize it, the final vacuum of our lives filled by a grace that only seventy times seven can bring, no matter our age or place.
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