For the people of The Book - Christians, Jews and Muslims - judgment is again and again given over to the Lord. Jesus famously steers us clear of judgment in the parable of the adulteress: He who has not sinned cast the first stone. And yet we make judgments all the time. Personal judgments are often way off-base: there is the Zen parable of the monk who is seen scavenging for food in the kitchen, which is soon reported to the others. The students naturally snub him until the master stops them short: Do you not know? He has not eaten the regular food that you have, but takes out what has been left in the drain after cleaning for his food. That is why he is in the kitchen late at night." Shame on you all!
Yet judgment is absolutely essential for an ordered society. Perhaps even the harsh rules against adultery were necessary for a close-nit people who were prone to take vengeance into their own hands, and certainly our laws against murder and rape, among others, are just. We have to judge, which brings us again to the paradox of the parables of Jesus - but this blog is not about that today. Instead, it is about personal judgment of others on the heals of Robin William's suicide.
I have to start by saying that I would not be one who would or could pick up that first stone. Lets take drunk driving - the cries for harsher penalties in Wisconsin resound off my ears like so many hypocrites. Anyone, especially men (who usually do the driving), who drinks has probably driven when over the limit. The people filling the newspaper rooms and political halls crying for harsher punishments should all, I think, subject themselves to that punishment first to see if it is just, even though they were lucky enough to not have been caught by the police. Yet we need some laws to reduce the likelihood of drunk driving.
And then there are the social laws, those prosecuted only by the public. One shouldn't be a jerk to the check-out girl at the grocery store just because you can. One shouldn't scream at one's children or wife because one's had a bad day at work. One shouldn't humiliate another, even if what is said is true, simply for the sake of humiliation. These laws, too, are essential for human society, and we judge those who break them just as harshly as criminal offenses.
Yesterday, a Jehovah's Witness came to the door - sigh - for the 100th time and we got on the subject of his health. He has had several open-heart surgeries (his reason for being a JW, but that is another story and a good one) and he told me something I already knew: that heart surgery radically changes the personality of the person, at least until recovery. I know this to be true personally. My mother, who in the finest of traditions I will call a saint, had such surgery and for nearly a year after, she was a crafty curmudgeon, figuring out tricks to win arguments and making shocking observations that, although mostly true, hurt more than helped. She returned to normal, but I have always kept that in mind. People who are sick or old and dying cannot be expected to keep up the social contract as the healthy must. They have an excuse and I accept it. The Jehovah Witness did not: with an almost grim determination, he said we must be cheerful despite our feelings. I could only answer that this was too much a burden. Give them, and us eventually, a break.
The same may apply to suicides, although this is a horse of a different color. The grumpy old man is soon dismissed as a grumpy old man. To take his nasty comments to heart is to be overly sensitive. Let it pass. But the pain and harm of suicide to a family is incalculable. The hole it leaves, the guilt, the doubt, the loss, especially for the parents, is beyond the average ken. It should and must be judged by society as a wrong and an evil. Whatever one's idea of god might be, there is not question as to the pain it creates, one of the worst there is, for it is not from circumstances but from the will of the one who was loved and is missed. It is a betrayal as well as a loss. But even if society must condemn it, here is where judgment on the personal scale should be left to God. I do not, for instance, find anything wrong with the terminally ill patient who is in terrible pain - especially an elder who really has absolutely no chance of a cure - to take his own life. Most know this happens all the time, although this is not usually spoken of. A bit too much morphine or heart medicine taken by "accident" is rarely reported as such; rather, doctors have the compassionate good sense to report the loss as due to 'natural causes.' For those suffering from mental illness, who knows the pain they are enduring? I can say that in my wild and crazy days, I had way too many mushrooms on one occasion and felt that I simply could not live anymore. It was the luck of the timing of the trip, I suppose (although I'll never know), that kept me from a fatal step. Had I done that, I would not have been in any state to judge how my actions would affect others. Rather, it would have been a wild flight for release from an unbearable situation.
There are certainly those who kill themselves to get revenge. I think the punishment for that might just be in the astounding stupidity of the action. But I would think that most others have done so because of the unbearable pain they are enduring, one even worse because the wounds that cause the pain are not visible to society. Few will give them the sympathy that they personally deserve. I cannot judge Robin Williams or anyone else who finds themselves in such straights. However, the manner of death must never be eulogized, just as the person should. Suicide is far more painful to those who are left behind than it is to he perpetrator. We must allow society to judge, and judge even harshly the general act; but as for the individual - only God knows or knew his pain. For me, personally, there is only the sadness of loss - and the chilling gratitude that I do not fill that same mental space. FK
Yet judgment is absolutely essential for an ordered society. Perhaps even the harsh rules against adultery were necessary for a close-nit people who were prone to take vengeance into their own hands, and certainly our laws against murder and rape, among others, are just. We have to judge, which brings us again to the paradox of the parables of Jesus - but this blog is not about that today. Instead, it is about personal judgment of others on the heals of Robin William's suicide.
I have to start by saying that I would not be one who would or could pick up that first stone. Lets take drunk driving - the cries for harsher penalties in Wisconsin resound off my ears like so many hypocrites. Anyone, especially men (who usually do the driving), who drinks has probably driven when over the limit. The people filling the newspaper rooms and political halls crying for harsher punishments should all, I think, subject themselves to that punishment first to see if it is just, even though they were lucky enough to not have been caught by the police. Yet we need some laws to reduce the likelihood of drunk driving.
And then there are the social laws, those prosecuted only by the public. One shouldn't be a jerk to the check-out girl at the grocery store just because you can. One shouldn't scream at one's children or wife because one's had a bad day at work. One shouldn't humiliate another, even if what is said is true, simply for the sake of humiliation. These laws, too, are essential for human society, and we judge those who break them just as harshly as criminal offenses.
Yesterday, a Jehovah's Witness came to the door - sigh - for the 100th time and we got on the subject of his health. He has had several open-heart surgeries (his reason for being a JW, but that is another story and a good one) and he told me something I already knew: that heart surgery radically changes the personality of the person, at least until recovery. I know this to be true personally. My mother, who in the finest of traditions I will call a saint, had such surgery and for nearly a year after, she was a crafty curmudgeon, figuring out tricks to win arguments and making shocking observations that, although mostly true, hurt more than helped. She returned to normal, but I have always kept that in mind. People who are sick or old and dying cannot be expected to keep up the social contract as the healthy must. They have an excuse and I accept it. The Jehovah Witness did not: with an almost grim determination, he said we must be cheerful despite our feelings. I could only answer that this was too much a burden. Give them, and us eventually, a break.
The same may apply to suicides, although this is a horse of a different color. The grumpy old man is soon dismissed as a grumpy old man. To take his nasty comments to heart is to be overly sensitive. Let it pass. But the pain and harm of suicide to a family is incalculable. The hole it leaves, the guilt, the doubt, the loss, especially for the parents, is beyond the average ken. It should and must be judged by society as a wrong and an evil. Whatever one's idea of god might be, there is not question as to the pain it creates, one of the worst there is, for it is not from circumstances but from the will of the one who was loved and is missed. It is a betrayal as well as a loss. But even if society must condemn it, here is where judgment on the personal scale should be left to God. I do not, for instance, find anything wrong with the terminally ill patient who is in terrible pain - especially an elder who really has absolutely no chance of a cure - to take his own life. Most know this happens all the time, although this is not usually spoken of. A bit too much morphine or heart medicine taken by "accident" is rarely reported as such; rather, doctors have the compassionate good sense to report the loss as due to 'natural causes.' For those suffering from mental illness, who knows the pain they are enduring? I can say that in my wild and crazy days, I had way too many mushrooms on one occasion and felt that I simply could not live anymore. It was the luck of the timing of the trip, I suppose (although I'll never know), that kept me from a fatal step. Had I done that, I would not have been in any state to judge how my actions would affect others. Rather, it would have been a wild flight for release from an unbearable situation.
There are certainly those who kill themselves to get revenge. I think the punishment for that might just be in the astounding stupidity of the action. But I would think that most others have done so because of the unbearable pain they are enduring, one even worse because the wounds that cause the pain are not visible to society. Few will give them the sympathy that they personally deserve. I cannot judge Robin Williams or anyone else who finds themselves in such straights. However, the manner of death must never be eulogized, just as the person should. Suicide is far more painful to those who are left behind than it is to he perpetrator. We must allow society to judge, and judge even harshly the general act; but as for the individual - only God knows or knew his pain. For me, personally, there is only the sadness of loss - and the chilling gratitude that I do not fill that same mental space. FK
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