Sometimes, if you are a talking parrot like me, you have to give advice before you can realize it yourself. This happened the other night as my son and I talked about his future options. After 3 semesters of classes and a few very bad starts, he is still left wondering - what to major in? If not, maybe trade school? We have in the past gone over his assets and found, the hard way, his liabilities, and still the question lingers. He had claimed he had hardly slept the night before, worrying about this.
Of course I had to give him the American guilt trip - hey, at least you HAVE a choice! Why, a garbage picker in the Philippines can only look to the lowly career of his family for his future - or a lucky surge of money that will buy him a ticket to the US. But that choice, like many things in this contrary life, is also a curse. He would have no blame for his low status - my son or the garbage picker - in a world where there was no choice. This is the way many nations and tribes have always lived - there is but one way. It is part of the reason for the French "art of living," and the centered spirituality of India, for in those nations there is a long history of stasis. In the case of India, there is an actual caste system that officially relegates people to certain professions. It is here that we can truly say, "if you are a garbage collector, be the best garbage collector there is!"
I've heard this said in the US, but we all know that here it is not really true. Few people suggest to their children to be the best garbage collector, for we have a status hierarchy, and garbage doesn't figure very highly in it. "My son the doctor" is not just the boasting of the Jewish mother - it is the hope for one's children that most of us in America have. But I cannot push too hard for status without being a hypocrite, nor can anyone with a commitment to higher truths. And besides, some, like myself and my son, are not the nose- to-the- grindstone types. Rather, like most of us, we wish to have a good life, a balance of work and play. And why not be the best garbage collector?
It's true, but it's also true that many of us wouldn't last in that job, for a variety of reasons. We'd be failures as garbage collectors, plain and simple. And so we look for all sorts of ways to find our way, to what would satisfy our nature, not just our need for prestige. With me, it came from out of the blue sophomore year, to be an anthropologist. After years of side tracking and hurdling of obstacles, that is what I became. That it didn't pan out in the end is not the point of this blog - and is of little interest to anyone besides myself. But the truth is, I would have been good at it. It fits my nature. How, then, did this come to me?
On that night, I told my son: "You know, if you can't figure it out through thinking, you have to let it come to you. Pray for an answer to whatever higher source you imagine, and then keep open. Your question is often answered, usually first thing in the morning, but it could be at anytime. Stop your frustration and anxiety and let it be. If nothing comes, continue as you are. Maybe the time isn't ripe."
As far as I know, the answer has not come to him, and perhaps he thinks my advice is hogwash. However, it did work on me - not the answer, but the truth of the advice which, after all, is simply borrowed wisdom. Yes, it is true - it is no use to worry continually about that decision. Think of it and then leave it to a higher power, or interior self if you prefer to call it that. That is how we come to the Eureka moment so often experienced by the greatest thinkers. For me, it is a spiritual thing, and in letting it go, peace is allowed. If nothing else, that peace will allow one to think more clearly. The answer will probably not come as a Eureka moment in this case, but as something clear and obvious. Oh, yeah, sure, how could I have missed that? Success is not assured with this answer; rather, one is given something that one could do well, given the attributes one has.
Is freedom of choice worth the effort? I have read that arranged marriages and chosen ones have about the same probability of success, but I do not think it is a wash. Free choice gives us the possibility to discover more, to go deeper. It also allows us to throw everything we have away, or be swept off our feet by a big bank account or a pretty face. In the "art of living" world, we are given the choice to make beautiful whatever we have been given; in the world of free choice, we are able to choose what we can make most beautiful. It seems the latter is the best alternative, although Indians would disagree. As far as I now know, maybe my son would, too. But I believe the answer, the real answer to a greater path, is there and best served by freedom. To find it takes, as with anything good and lasting, faith and at times a certain courage, to give things we cannot grasp over to faith. Now, if only an answer will come for my writing career...FK
Of course I had to give him the American guilt trip - hey, at least you HAVE a choice! Why, a garbage picker in the Philippines can only look to the lowly career of his family for his future - or a lucky surge of money that will buy him a ticket to the US. But that choice, like many things in this contrary life, is also a curse. He would have no blame for his low status - my son or the garbage picker - in a world where there was no choice. This is the way many nations and tribes have always lived - there is but one way. It is part of the reason for the French "art of living," and the centered spirituality of India, for in those nations there is a long history of stasis. In the case of India, there is an actual caste system that officially relegates people to certain professions. It is here that we can truly say, "if you are a garbage collector, be the best garbage collector there is!"
I've heard this said in the US, but we all know that here it is not really true. Few people suggest to their children to be the best garbage collector, for we have a status hierarchy, and garbage doesn't figure very highly in it. "My son the doctor" is not just the boasting of the Jewish mother - it is the hope for one's children that most of us in America have. But I cannot push too hard for status without being a hypocrite, nor can anyone with a commitment to higher truths. And besides, some, like myself and my son, are not the nose- to-the- grindstone types. Rather, like most of us, we wish to have a good life, a balance of work and play. And why not be the best garbage collector?
It's true, but it's also true that many of us wouldn't last in that job, for a variety of reasons. We'd be failures as garbage collectors, plain and simple. And so we look for all sorts of ways to find our way, to what would satisfy our nature, not just our need for prestige. With me, it came from out of the blue sophomore year, to be an anthropologist. After years of side tracking and hurdling of obstacles, that is what I became. That it didn't pan out in the end is not the point of this blog - and is of little interest to anyone besides myself. But the truth is, I would have been good at it. It fits my nature. How, then, did this come to me?
On that night, I told my son: "You know, if you can't figure it out through thinking, you have to let it come to you. Pray for an answer to whatever higher source you imagine, and then keep open. Your question is often answered, usually first thing in the morning, but it could be at anytime. Stop your frustration and anxiety and let it be. If nothing comes, continue as you are. Maybe the time isn't ripe."
As far as I know, the answer has not come to him, and perhaps he thinks my advice is hogwash. However, it did work on me - not the answer, but the truth of the advice which, after all, is simply borrowed wisdom. Yes, it is true - it is no use to worry continually about that decision. Think of it and then leave it to a higher power, or interior self if you prefer to call it that. That is how we come to the Eureka moment so often experienced by the greatest thinkers. For me, it is a spiritual thing, and in letting it go, peace is allowed. If nothing else, that peace will allow one to think more clearly. The answer will probably not come as a Eureka moment in this case, but as something clear and obvious. Oh, yeah, sure, how could I have missed that? Success is not assured with this answer; rather, one is given something that one could do well, given the attributes one has.
Is freedom of choice worth the effort? I have read that arranged marriages and chosen ones have about the same probability of success, but I do not think it is a wash. Free choice gives us the possibility to discover more, to go deeper. It also allows us to throw everything we have away, or be swept off our feet by a big bank account or a pretty face. In the "art of living" world, we are given the choice to make beautiful whatever we have been given; in the world of free choice, we are able to choose what we can make most beautiful. It seems the latter is the best alternative, although Indians would disagree. As far as I now know, maybe my son would, too. But I believe the answer, the real answer to a greater path, is there and best served by freedom. To find it takes, as with anything good and lasting, faith and at times a certain courage, to give things we cannot grasp over to faith. Now, if only an answer will come for my writing career...FK
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