If you were from a foreign country and wanted to know who The Man – the segment of society in most control – was, you could come to me. I am always against The Man. I may have it wrong, of course, but at least you could get a sense of what some citizens see as the authority structure, and also a view of a strong American trait. We are, after all, a product of fighting the establishment, even if that is seen only in terms of selfish interests. Selfishness, at least financial selfishness, is not the cause of the rebellious nature in a lot of us Americans, though. We just automatically buck The Man. We do it self-righteously, too, our noses to the ground and our shoulders stiffened, ready for the fight. We are proud to be rebels.
There are rebels, though, and then there are rebels. My rebellious nature has repeatedly hurt my chances at becoming a high-status member of the establishment – of course – and, in hindsight, a lot of my stiff-necked attitude was based on a grandiose sense of self. Still, we basic American rebels don’t smash windows or burn flags. We don’t hate people with opposing political views. We don’t live in crowded basement apartment with ten other hard-core rebels/anarchists because we are too proud to work for The Man, even if that man runs a bagel shop. Ultimately, while we might be harming ourselves with our own form of pride, we still enjoy life and the privileges we have been given as members of this society, and simply as human beings. Not so much the brick – throwers.
I was given to think of these things again when I heard a discussion about happiness on the radio (Relevant Radio, quoting a piece from conservative Prager University). A study done on happiness – on who was happy and why – concluded that the essence of happiness is gratitude. If I were asked the question about happiness, I would have answered off- the -cuff that it had to do with Maslow’s famous pyramid of fulfillment: first, the basics of food and shelter, then companionship and sex, then comfort, then finally self-actualization, meaning fulfillment on some amorphous spiritual level. Given my nature now, I might have simplified it all by saying “God Realization,” however undefined that would be for many people. But gratitude gives us the essence of happiness in the most basic and tangible way.
This does not suit one hundred percent of situations. My form of rebellion was, and sometimes still is, just a reaction inherited from my family, but sometimes rebellion is necessary. Sometimes things are so wrong that something, even something violent, must be done. But this must be measured against what we have. In our country, our wrongs are so far outweighed by our rights that a sense of rebellion, which signifies dissatisfaction with the current situation, should not be such as to make us unhappy overall. We have so much to be grateful for that protest should count as something minor in our lives, as compared to our state of being. We might have very good reasons for being unhappy – bad marriage, loss of job, illness, kids on drugs, etc. – but these are personally specific, to be dealt with on the personal level. We should not blame our government or society for our unhappiness. We might be unhappy with a situation that seems beyond our control, but that is no excuse for throwing bricks.
Putting that aside, we quickly understand why this study was taken up by conservative commentators, because ingratitude was also linked to entitlements. They do not have to be government entitlements; they could be the entitlements, say, of spoiled rich children, but still, when we come to expect something that is not from the fruits of our own efforts, we become unhappy. We become unhappy because we have misallocated the source of our happiness, handing this power over to the things other people can give us. We feel so unfulfilled that our sense of gratitude is replaced by frustration and anger, which makes us even more unhappy.
Gratefulness: it is a simple word that, once unfolded, is anything but. There are the small ‘gratefuls’ of course: a thank you for a present, or a nod at the opening of a door when needed; there are the medium gratefuls for, say, a stranger helping you start your car, or the rain stopping for a wedding; but these are teasers to the real thing. The real thing is as involved as your kid being saved after a car accident, or as simple as standing out on the porch in the morning and taking a big breath of air, face open to the sky. These big gratefuls have no religion, but I do not believe that they can come from militant atheists. Those are people who rebel against even a supernatural power, and they insist that everything they see is by chance. To what, then, can they be grateful? But the big grateful can come from intellectual atheists, proving really that they are not atheists at all. This is so, even though a big grateful does not necessarily refer to the Christian God, or to the ancestors, or to Vishnu. Those, after all, can only be projections of something that is too great for us to capture in words or images. Rather, the big grateful is often to an unknown divine source, to an internal recognition of that big Something, even if it is not otherwise expressed. The Big Grateful, then - like it or not - is praise and thanks to God. And, as the study shows, gratitude is the quintessence of happiness, the bigger the better.
Praising God: when we hear or see that, we might think of starry-eyed born-agains who preach to us nonstop until we are forced to run for an exit. It is true – we are not all made for or are ready for that kind of Word, although many are. Still, it is pretty clear that being Grateful with a big “G” is really praise for God. It is what we live for, and the only way we can love life. It is this that we offer when we are blown away by the beauty of a landscape, or by the intricate order of molecules, or by the coincidences that have made so much of our lives, such as those that brought us together for marriage and families.
Considering this, it is obvious that the best way to increase our happiness is to increase our sense of Gratitude towards life. Since this is basically praise to God, it is also obvious that we can increase our gratitude towards life by increasing our praise for God. We might also do so by traveling to exotic and beautiful places or by listening to fine music, but underneath, the road to gratitude and happiness eventually leads to, and comes from, God. This we can find right here at home, right now, or at any place or time.
If that is not an eye-opener for you, it has been for me. When I realized this, I realized that I had known it all along – that my striving for Maslow’s self-actualization has always been about seeking God. And for this, for being given this understanding and this impulse towards God, I am endlessly grateful.
If you were from a foreign country and wanted to know who The Man – the segment of society in most control – was, you could come to me. I am always against The Man. I may have it wrong, of course, but at least you could get a sense of what some citizens see as the authority structure, and also a view of a strong American trait. We are, after all, a product of fighting the establishment, even if that is seen only in terms of selfish interests. Selfishness, at least financial selfishness, is not the cause of the rebellious nature in a lot of us Americans, though. We just automatically buck The Man. We do it self-righteously, too, our noses to the ground and our shoulders stiffened, ready for the fight. We are proud to be rebels.
There are rebels, though, and then there are rebels. My rebellious nature has repeatedly hurt my chances at becoming a high-status member of the establishment – of course – and, in hindsight, a lot of my stiff-necked attitude was based on a grandiose sense of self. Still, we basic American rebels don’t smash windows or burn flags. We don’t hate people with opposing political views. We don’t live in crowded basement apartment with ten other hard-core rebels/anarchists because we are too proud to work for The Man, even if that man runs a bagel shop. Ultimately, while we might be harming ourselves with our own form of pride, we still enjoy life and the privileges we have been given as members of this society, and simply as human beings. Not so much the brick – throwers.
I was given to think of these things again when I heard a discussion about happiness on the radio (Relevant Radio, quoting a piece from conservative Prager University). A study done on happiness – on who was happy and why – concluded that the essence of happiness is gratitude. If I were asked the question about happiness, I would have answered off- the -cuff that it had to do with Maslow’s famous pyramid of fulfillment: first, the basics of food and shelter, then companionship and sex, then comfort, then finally self-actualization, meaning fulfillment on some amorphous spiritual level. Given my nature now, I might have simplified it all by saying “God Realization,” however undefined that would be for many people. But gratitude gives us the essence of happiness in the most basic and tangible way.
This does not suit one hundred percent of situations. My form of rebellion was, and sometimes still is, just a reaction inherited from my family, but sometimes rebellion is necessary. Sometimes things are so wrong that something, even something violent, must be done. But this must be measured against what we have. In our country, our wrongs are so far outweighed by our rights that a sense of rebellion, which signifies dissatisfaction with the current situation, should not be such as to make us unhappy overall. We have so much to be grateful for that protest should count as something minor in our lives, as compared to our state of being. We might have very good reasons for being unhappy – bad marriage, loss of job, illness, kids on drugs, etc. – but these are personally specific, to be dealt with on the personal level. We should not blame our government or society for our unhappiness. We might be unhappy with a situation that seems beyond our control, but that is no excuse for throwing bricks.
Putting that aside, we quickly understand why this study was taken up by conservative commentators, because ingratitude was also linked to entitlements. They do not have to be government entitlements; they could be the entitlements, say, of spoiled rich children, but still, when we come to expect something that is not from the fruits of our own efforts, we become unhappy. We become unhappy because we have misallocated the source of our happiness, handing this power over to the things other people can give us. We feel so unfulfilled that our sense of gratitude is replaced by frustration and anger, which makes us even more unhappy.
Gratefulness: it is a simple word that, once unfolded, is anything but. There are the small ‘gratefuls’ of course: a thank you for a present, or a nod at the opening of a door when needed; there are the medium gratefuls for, say, a stranger helping you start your car, or the rain stopping for a wedding; but these are teasers to the real thing. The real thing is as involved as your kid being saved after a car accident, or as simple as standing out on the porch in the morning and taking a big breath of air, face open to the sky. These big gratefuls have no religion, but I do not believe that they can come from militant atheists. Those are people who rebel against even a supernatural power, and they insist that everything they see is by chance. To what, then, can they be grateful? But the big grateful can come from intellectual atheists, proving really that they are not atheists at all. This is so, even though a big grateful does not necessarily refer to the Christian God, or to the ancestors, or to Vishnu. Those, after all, can only be projections of something that is too great for us to capture in words or images. Rather, the big grateful is often to an unknown divine source, to an internal recognition of that big Something, even if it is not otherwise expressed. The Big Grateful, then - like it or not - is praise and thanks to God. And, as the study shows, gratitude is the quintessence of happiness, the bigger the better.
Praising God: when we hear or see that, we might think of starry-eyed born-agains who preach to us nonstop until we are forced to run for an exit. It is true – we are not all made for or are ready for that kind of Word, although many are. Still, it is pretty clear that being Grateful with a big “G” is really praise for God. It is what we live for, and the only way we can love life. It is this that we offer when we are blown away by the beauty of a landscape, or by the intricate order of molecules, or by the coincidences that have made so much of our lives, such as those that brought us together for marriage and families.
Considering this, it is obvious that the best way to increase our happiness is to increase our sense of Gratitude towards life. Since this is basically praise to God, it is also obvious that we can increase our gratitude towards life by increasing our praise for God. We might also do so by traveling to exotic and beautiful places or by listening to fine music, but underneath, the road to gratitude and happiness eventually leads to, and comes from, God. This we can find right here at home, right now, or at any place or time.
If that is not an eye-opener for you, it has been for me. When I realized this, I realized that I had known it all along – that my striving for Maslow’s self-actualization has always been about seeking God. And for this, for being given this understanding and this impulse towards God, I am endlessly grateful.
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