"Rivers of water out of the desert."
In our spiritual retreat, we were regularly broken up into smaller groups - all male or all female (as usual, there were many more females than males), and on our first seating, we found that small stones had been placed before us. One of the "shepherds" told us that at some time during the retreat, we were to pick up a stone that appealed to us, and read the Biblical quote that had been written on the back. It wasn't until the end of the first session that we were encouraged to choose, for no one wanted to step on the toes of someone else's choice in a religious setting. As one might expect, we all took the rock that had been placed in front of us, and the above quote is what I got. I wasn't impressed, even though we were assured that the "spirit" would have us choose the right one.
As it happened, I had just been reading Thomas Merton's No Man is an Island, where we are told to NOT look for signs, for we would read ourselves into it - and that would be the beginning of superstition, which involves witchy things like black cats and crows and whatever. God, Merton tells us, will let us know if He has a sign for us if He wants us to hear, and that will be definitive. Fine. But every quote in the Bible that is not part of a genealogy or a recapitulation of some slaughter in a battle has meaning for everyone - just as mine would.
It concerns the "witnessing" or what I call from AA - in fact, many of the "shepherds" had been to AA - "Testimonials," which were absolutely astounding. It was not so much the details of their often tear-soaked stories of sin and redemption that impressed, but the absolute courage that they had in barring their souls to a room full of strangers. This comes from AA, too, but this organization was built on the religious model. At its core is the premise that one had to clean one's soul, to become completely emptied in honesty, before redemption could take place. In Catholicism, this is done at the confessional; in retreats, it is multiplied in the public confession.
The method was wonderfully effective in breaking down personal barriers for everyone, as well as for giving us a clan-like sense of belonging. But it also followed the advice of every mystic that I have read, and reflected as well the inscription on my rock, "rivers of water out of the desert."
We generally picture the quest for spiritual knowledge as an arduous and time-consuming trek across wilderness, or in extreme fasting. We have models of Tibetan monks and Jesus for this, as well as hundreds of others. But the "desert" does not have to be a location outside. A desert is barren, clean of villages and plants and normal earthly distractions. It is a place, symbolically, of nothingness. It is, then, a place much like those who have hit "rock bottom" live in, due to some vice, sin (the movie The Mission, comes to mind) or disease. It is a place where normal recourse is not available; a place where we are thrown back onto ourselves and find nothing, or nothing of worth. It becomes, then, the place of rebirth, where something else must come to fill the void. Given the proper attitude, one of selfless desperation, what fills the void is the spirit - of peace, of completion, of certainty in that which is beyond any of our troubles. It rises us far above our normal desires and failings, to give us a new foundation. It is the place, then, where the desert gives way to rivers of water - the living water of the spirit.
We all seek it, all of us, in music, drugs, vacations (from the word 'vacate'), travels, as well as in prayer and meditation. Some find it in barring their soul to all - while others in barring their soul privately in this music, or the quiet wonders of nature, where hidden tears replace public ones. But we are all called to it, call it what we may; for the rivers come out of the desert through the will of God, or spirit, just as all has has sprung from the nothingness of the void. It, everything, is a miracle, and we seek to know it again and find it in ourselves, these waters that come from nothing. We seek to find what we have always been - a part of the miracle, a part of the filling of this nothingness.
Pretty good rock, shepherds. As any would have been, I am sure, but this one, for the time being, was mine. FK
In our spiritual retreat, we were regularly broken up into smaller groups - all male or all female (as usual, there were many more females than males), and on our first seating, we found that small stones had been placed before us. One of the "shepherds" told us that at some time during the retreat, we were to pick up a stone that appealed to us, and read the Biblical quote that had been written on the back. It wasn't until the end of the first session that we were encouraged to choose, for no one wanted to step on the toes of someone else's choice in a religious setting. As one might expect, we all took the rock that had been placed in front of us, and the above quote is what I got. I wasn't impressed, even though we were assured that the "spirit" would have us choose the right one.
As it happened, I had just been reading Thomas Merton's No Man is an Island, where we are told to NOT look for signs, for we would read ourselves into it - and that would be the beginning of superstition, which involves witchy things like black cats and crows and whatever. God, Merton tells us, will let us know if He has a sign for us if He wants us to hear, and that will be definitive. Fine. But every quote in the Bible that is not part of a genealogy or a recapitulation of some slaughter in a battle has meaning for everyone - just as mine would.
It concerns the "witnessing" or what I call from AA - in fact, many of the "shepherds" had been to AA - "Testimonials," which were absolutely astounding. It was not so much the details of their often tear-soaked stories of sin and redemption that impressed, but the absolute courage that they had in barring their souls to a room full of strangers. This comes from AA, too, but this organization was built on the religious model. At its core is the premise that one had to clean one's soul, to become completely emptied in honesty, before redemption could take place. In Catholicism, this is done at the confessional; in retreats, it is multiplied in the public confession.
The method was wonderfully effective in breaking down personal barriers for everyone, as well as for giving us a clan-like sense of belonging. But it also followed the advice of every mystic that I have read, and reflected as well the inscription on my rock, "rivers of water out of the desert."
We generally picture the quest for spiritual knowledge as an arduous and time-consuming trek across wilderness, or in extreme fasting. We have models of Tibetan monks and Jesus for this, as well as hundreds of others. But the "desert" does not have to be a location outside. A desert is barren, clean of villages and plants and normal earthly distractions. It is a place, symbolically, of nothingness. It is, then, a place much like those who have hit "rock bottom" live in, due to some vice, sin (the movie The Mission, comes to mind) or disease. It is a place where normal recourse is not available; a place where we are thrown back onto ourselves and find nothing, or nothing of worth. It becomes, then, the place of rebirth, where something else must come to fill the void. Given the proper attitude, one of selfless desperation, what fills the void is the spirit - of peace, of completion, of certainty in that which is beyond any of our troubles. It rises us far above our normal desires and failings, to give us a new foundation. It is the place, then, where the desert gives way to rivers of water - the living water of the spirit.
We all seek it, all of us, in music, drugs, vacations (from the word 'vacate'), travels, as well as in prayer and meditation. Some find it in barring their soul to all - while others in barring their soul privately in this music, or the quiet wonders of nature, where hidden tears replace public ones. But we are all called to it, call it what we may; for the rivers come out of the desert through the will of God, or spirit, just as all has has sprung from the nothingness of the void. It, everything, is a miracle, and we seek to know it again and find it in ourselves, these waters that come from nothing. We seek to find what we have always been - a part of the miracle, a part of the filling of this nothingness.
Pretty good rock, shepherds. As any would have been, I am sure, but this one, for the time being, was mine. FK
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