My father was a people person by trade, running a small personnel business that was all about schmoozing and saying the right things, and he was good at it. As far as I know, he had no enemies, although lots of people thought he was an easy man to dupe, although he wasn't: he simply preferred non-confrontation when possible. Yet at home, he was something of a misanthrope; having to smile all day long, he only wanted to retreat to his den and bask in his alone-ness. Yet as he was dying he made this remarkable admission: all his life, we children had been a nuisance, but in his final time of need, he came to really appreciate us.
And so the last hand we long for when in our final days, in concordance with the last two comments made by Claudia and Cal about being alone. On the other hand, it is with people that all our conflicts and insecurities originate. Without people to offend, we cannot have an embarrassing fuax paus, and cannot sin. Without people to judge, we cannot be inadequate. And without people to reflect our social image, this gradually fades away into what we more truly are. With this alone self, we become no more or less culpable than nature, and we begin to stop judgment of the outside world as well, because it doesn't respond to judgment - it simply is. In time, this is what we become as well - simple beings in nature. In this there is great peace and acceptance of self that fords the self-hating culture, like other civilized cultures, that we live in.
It is probable that few people ever have the days alone to understand that their dissatisfaction with life comes from their social environment. There are seldom opportunities for this in an urban society, and people from such a background generally fear being alone. They may believe that they could not stand themselves in isolation, but they are generally wrong; instead they would learn to be themselves, and live with that as easily as they live with trees. But there are very strong caveats. In extreme isolation, some people become unglued, for normal reality is a social construct, and losing reality is tantamount for most to losing one's mind. And then there is the time when we meet the water's edge. Like my father, at our deaths we truly come to the unknown, and in this we long for companionship to help us through the fear as we approach this edge.
Isolation, then, is not the final goal, but rather a way to come closer to who we truly are and what is truly important. It is a period of time that can be used to better appreciate what we have, or to leave something destructive that we thought we could not live without. Ultimately, it should help us to find or appreciate that person we wish to share life with. Still, at the water's edge, there is a point where even that person is no longer helpful. It is here, too, that we might be strengthened if we have gotten to know ourselves better through solitude and to better understand that which is beyond the simple reflexes of social intercourse.
But is is also here where we might wish for another companion. For the religious, this is God or Christ or some other spiritual presence; for the non-believers, perhaps sweet non-existence, although here I cannot say. It seems impossible for me to conceive of anyone who has spent long periods alone who does not believe in something metaphysical, although it might not wear a name; for in coming closer to the self and to unadorned life, we come closer to the presence that becomes undeniable.
The sages of old went off to the wilderness to find truth, and then returned to help humankind. For those of us who are not as strongly compelled, we leave for a few days, a long weekend in the woods or the sea, to find something that quietly lets us know that it will meet us again someday face to face. A good companion in life is nice to have, but it is also nice, even essential, to have an inkling of that something inside when the companion can no longer be there. FK
And so the last hand we long for when in our final days, in concordance with the last two comments made by Claudia and Cal about being alone. On the other hand, it is with people that all our conflicts and insecurities originate. Without people to offend, we cannot have an embarrassing fuax paus, and cannot sin. Without people to judge, we cannot be inadequate. And without people to reflect our social image, this gradually fades away into what we more truly are. With this alone self, we become no more or less culpable than nature, and we begin to stop judgment of the outside world as well, because it doesn't respond to judgment - it simply is. In time, this is what we become as well - simple beings in nature. In this there is great peace and acceptance of self that fords the self-hating culture, like other civilized cultures, that we live in.
It is probable that few people ever have the days alone to understand that their dissatisfaction with life comes from their social environment. There are seldom opportunities for this in an urban society, and people from such a background generally fear being alone. They may believe that they could not stand themselves in isolation, but they are generally wrong; instead they would learn to be themselves, and live with that as easily as they live with trees. But there are very strong caveats. In extreme isolation, some people become unglued, for normal reality is a social construct, and losing reality is tantamount for most to losing one's mind. And then there is the time when we meet the water's edge. Like my father, at our deaths we truly come to the unknown, and in this we long for companionship to help us through the fear as we approach this edge.
Isolation, then, is not the final goal, but rather a way to come closer to who we truly are and what is truly important. It is a period of time that can be used to better appreciate what we have, or to leave something destructive that we thought we could not live without. Ultimately, it should help us to find or appreciate that person we wish to share life with. Still, at the water's edge, there is a point where even that person is no longer helpful. It is here, too, that we might be strengthened if we have gotten to know ourselves better through solitude and to better understand that which is beyond the simple reflexes of social intercourse.
But is is also here where we might wish for another companion. For the religious, this is God or Christ or some other spiritual presence; for the non-believers, perhaps sweet non-existence, although here I cannot say. It seems impossible for me to conceive of anyone who has spent long periods alone who does not believe in something metaphysical, although it might not wear a name; for in coming closer to the self and to unadorned life, we come closer to the presence that becomes undeniable.
The sages of old went off to the wilderness to find truth, and then returned to help humankind. For those of us who are not as strongly compelled, we leave for a few days, a long weekend in the woods or the sea, to find something that quietly lets us know that it will meet us again someday face to face. A good companion in life is nice to have, but it is also nice, even essential, to have an inkling of that something inside when the companion can no longer be there. FK
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